"Does my bum look big in this"?

I have not had a good few days pain wise and fatigue wise, hence the delay on posting my latest blog.

However today I have made an exciting purchase, which those of you who follow me on Facebook will know all about, but everyone else will have to wait until my next posting, and this has made me feel better, even if the pain is still there.

Throughout the past few days, there have been two major appointments at various hospitals – last Wednesday morning with my oncologist, and on Thursday morning with my consultant neurotherapist – that is the person who is trying to get my legs right.

Both went very well.

But the two Medical visits and the discomfort I have experienced may not be unconnected.

I am quite convinced that many of us like to put on a good image to people we meet, we are concerned how we look and present ourselves, and I know that I am no exception - I do - and often Sue and Charlotte will pull my leg about it.

There is a wonderful Aesop fable which well illustrates how I operated last week – and that is the fable of the man the boy and a donkey going on a journey.

If you recall various people ride a donkey, and then the donkey is left with nobody on it and as they pass other people everyone has a derogatory comment to say as to who should be riding and whether it's the father or the son or the poor donkey and in the end nobody ends up having a ride.

As we arrived at Kings Mill hospital on Wednesday morning, the weather being sad - very very cold, grey and drizzly, and finding no one spaces in the Disability bays, we had to park quite a considerable way from the hospital.

 

I was undecided whether to be transported to the clinic by my wheelchair or walk with my crutches. It was quite a walk, but because I wanted people to see I was making progress, I opted for crutches. By the time I got the the hospital foyer I was shattered. Charlotte was all for going back to the car for the wheelchair, but stubborn or rather a vain me didn't want her to.

And by the time we got to the lift, I could hardly stand, but I was determined to continue to show people progress was being made. Then things suddenly changed; just before the lift doors closed, the consultant himself walked in. He smiled at me, asked me how I was - to which I replied that I was much better, smiling, and showing him I was not in a chair.

We walked together swiftly to the clinic, and by the time I got there, and the consultant had gone to his room, I sat or rather collapsed into a chair.

A similar thing happened to me the following day when I went to the neurotherapists' clinic.

Not learning the lessons of the previous day, I boldly and swiftly walked in on my crutches, waited my turn, and then told the doctor how pleased I was to be able to walk on crutches.

The following day I was what horses are when they have had it!

And the pain has got worse until Monday.

Spiritually we so often want to project an image for others to see, that says we have got it right with God. We sit in church, I know I did, and do, and think if only I could have a faith like so and so, whilst all the time portraying an image hoping that others might say the same about me.

Thank God he knows different, and still loves us!

God knows us as we are, and accepts us as we are. I will learn that lesson, and soon, and then I will not care whether I come before him on my spiritual crutches, or in my spiritual wheelchair, but rather that I come before him just as I am, rejoicing in the fact that I am simply there.