In my last posting I mentioned about pain and not feeling
very well -- in fact yesterday morning I woke up feeling awful. I really felt
the cancer was spreading -- I was sick, I was having symptoms of fever, I was
once again struggling in passing water, and I ached all over.
So poorly that I feel that even Sue had sympathy. She
called the chemotherapy nurse for advice, as I had been told to do so if I had
any problems, but she was on holiday and at that time nobody else could help me.
I got an appointment with my GP and I toddled over the road to him. He gave me
a thorough examination and advised me that the ache in my chest was muscular --
presumably a result of my continual coughing from my cold/chest infection, but
he was more concerned about my passing water problems.
He did further tests I told me I had a UTI (urinary tract
infection). He also advised me my pulse
was high, and I was borderline for admission to hospital. Pulse 120, anything
over 120 means hospitalisation. But we decided for me to have some antibiotics
and stay at home on the basis that the drug would be getting into my system
quicker than if I was waiting around at A and E in hospital.
He let me do this on the basis that if I wasn't feeling any better the
next day, I was to admit myself. Today
is the next day, and I do feel a lot better.
Tomorrow it is back to work after my Sabbatical, and my
sermon is already written. I have one service in the morning followed by baptisms,
and then Messy Church in the afternoon. I am looking forward to it all very
much, but I am going to have to take it easy because of my UTI and the fact
that I can have one kidney.
I have had to cancel the PCC party tonight, but any
members of the PCC who read this please know how sorry T am that this is the
case, and I promise that it will be rearranged at a later date -- probably as a
barbecue when the lighter nights here.
My sabbatical has been a great experience. For almost 3 weeks of it I have not been as
well as I would've liked, and one of my trips has had to be cancelled. But I do feel very rested, un-stressed,
content with life, aware that I have had some wonderful, exciting and
challenging experiences, and most of all I feel much closer to God, more holy,
more real, and as a consequence of that, more spiritual.
Still struggling with PowerPoint, but I have an offer of
help from the Dukeries College which I can take up after the Easter break. I'm having a retreat as I mentioned in my
last posting, at the end of May when I am going back to Salisbury and to Sarum College
where I trained for ordained ministry.
One of the great benefits of my Sabbatical has been how
wonderful I realise all those who are closest to me really are. It is often so
easy to take such people for granted, and I know that Sue, Daniel, Duncan, and
Charlotte have all made comments to me on how I am now like a used to be. Of
course this is a sad indictment on my ordained ministry, and I do acknowledge
it is my fault, but I do get so involved with my work and let it, and people
get to me. I have also had some wonderful times with my sisters and their
families, and my many friends some of whom I haven't seen for quite awhile.
The whole question about my future quickly came to the
front during my prayer time, discussions with my spiritual director and family
and friends, and in my own time of reflection, and whilst I have yet to make
any final decisions, the way ahead for me in my condition is becoming clearer.
But please don't read anything into this at this stage, these are only
reflections on my Sabbatical, with no decisions having been made -- I love
stipendiary ministry and the rough and tumble of parish life, particularly the
challenges set before me at Ollerton and Boughton.
One question I want to ask anyone who reads this, is
whether you want me to continue doing a blog.
Many of you have said how much you have enjoyed reading what I have said
-- I don't pretend that it is a work of literature, but you have told me it
represents my personality and people seem to have got something out of my
simple ramblings. I am very happy to (and want to) continue blogging if people wanted me to, and I would appreciate it if you would let
me know by adding a comment, e-mailing me or simply telling me face-to-face.
I know there is an interesting and challenging time
facing me, and I have enjoyed blogging because I begin to realise the
challenges and experiences that I have been through, and still face, can be
shared with my family, my friends, and with all those who feel I have something
to say. I have found it to be so much
easier to blog what I really feel, than to say it face to face to people.
This particular line of blogging hasn't finished just yet,
as I want to do serious reflections on the three places I've visited, and a
final in-depth reflection on my sabbatical, but I start work again just as Holy
Week begins and I will need a few weeks just to collect all my thoughts.
Thank you for reading, thank you for following me, and I
look forward to hearing from you about the future.
Blessings to you all.
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