To be continued.....

I hope you understand, I am not very technical even though I love my gadgets.  I have been blogging for over two hours, and then I pressed a button and seemed to lose it all again, and then, after 30 mins fiddling it came back.

A bit like my life at the moment!!

Now I have found it again, I post what I have already blogged - sorry about any mistakes - I will do part two and corrections as soon as possible.

Hiccup or setback?

It is 4am on Saturday 27th October 2012, and I have been awake now for over an hour with chest pains, and a pain from the weakness in my left leg, which makes walking for me very difficult at the moment!  It also means, and I share it with you,  although Sue says I shouldn't,  makes it difficult, not impossible to go to the toilet.

I wrote on my iPhone what I considered to be an excellent blog two days ago, which a couple of friends agreed, only to lose the lot in the process of sharing, as I wrote it in the "Note" section of the iPhone.  Well never mind, there are more important things for me to worry about at the moment.

I did try to replicate them on FaceBook, which was a success, and then also on here.  I really ought to have used my PC or Lap top, but I have neither in Hospital.

I tried to say how it felt about retiring, and what my first days and weeks of retirement were like. First week - two separate days in London, one via East Midlands Trans from Nottingham, - a fun day out with Mark and Kathryn which saw us cruise down the Tames for a total of 4 hours, and then a trip to see the Olympic Park, and then dinner at Covent Garden.  And then later in the week a trip in my own via East Coast from Newark to see my wonderful Spiritual Director Ruth, and on this occasion Lunch in Covent Garden.

That day was rounded off with a wonderful evening meal at the home of the Bishop and his wife, along with Sue and some other lovely clergy.

The following day I went with Paul, one of my Brother in laws, to see Manchester City play Sunderland. - he is a season ticket holder, and could get a spare ticket, and nephews James and Andrew.

I was back in Manchester the following Thursday for the Christian Resources Exhibition, to which I went with Martin, my friend who seemed to know everyone there.  By now my leg was beginning to hurt a little, but I managed.

The following Monday and Tuesday saw the big move - Ollerton to Rainworth, and how hard Sue has worked, along with Mark and Kathryn, and then Neil the following weekend, along with many other friends -  indeed they have had to work, as I haven't been able to do anything at all, other than hand out instructions, get terrible stressed and cross, upset everybody, including myself, and then apologise by taking everybody out for a meal.  At least we had a lot of meals out!

After Neil's weekend visit, where order began to develop, and carpets could be seen once again, I felt so in pain that I went back to the Ollerton GP - hadn't had time to re-register in Rainworth- and he sent me  into Oncology unit at City Hospital Nottingham on their instructions, who then send me after an MRI scan to Queens Medical Centre Spinal Unit Nottingham ward D8, where I still am, and will be so for a week or 10 days while I have my operation on my spine.  I will paste my FaceBook Message  after this ramble if you missed it.

So that's where I am.

I keep calling it a hiccup, but truthfully it does feel like a setback as I write these words.

But I don't really mind that, because it is like sitting on one of those delayed trains on a journey London, held for a lengthy signal check - you take in much more of the "more and now", and here in both City Hospital and QMC I have met some really caring and gifted people in the people who are dealing with me, and some wonderful people who are fellow patients, most in a worse position than me, and who make me laugh so much that I keep having to ask for more morphine to relieve the chest pain caused through laughter.

OK so I am not as sure about how good my mobility will be following  the operation - I may need to use at times a wheel chair

One more step....

Today is the 30^th September 2012, and in just over an hour, I will begin to lead my final service as Vicar of Ollerton and Boughton, and as a stipendiary priest, and tomorrow, I will officially be classed as a pensioner.

 And this is after almost 44 years of work.

 I joined National Westminster Bank at the very beginning of 1969, had my first tested call to ordination to the priesthood turned down in the mid 70’s, and then, having vowed I would never go through it again, left the Bank in 1988 after a positive selection conference a year before.

Salisbury and Wells Theological College beckoned, and  Sue, Daniel, Duncan Charlotte and I all moved south, and so began the preparation for, and the experience of ordained ministry.

My ministry as an ordained man started on 1 July 1990, when I was ordained deacon in Southwell Minster by Bishop Patrick Harris, who also ordained me a priest a year later in Hyson Green, Nottingham.

And this ministry has seen me serve as Curate at St Leonard’s Wollaton, in the suburbs of Nottingham, and then as Vicar of Clarborough and Hayton, near Retford, for half time, with the rest as an assistant Chaplain at Ranby Prison.

Then for over 10 years as Vicar of Rainworth and Blidworth followed by my 4 years at Ollerton and Boughton.

From today my ministry continues – it most certainly doesn’t finish, it just changes pace, to allow for my medical condition, through which I am convinced God continues to speak, not just to me, but to those I come into contact with.

Last Sunday I was indeed at a lunch in Wollaton for Chris, a priest and a friend with whom I worked alongside in those early ordained years for me at Wollaton.

He was leaving to move south in retirement, with his wife Lynn.  How great it was to see so many faces I remember from a parish I left over 19 years ago.  And they remembered me, (and told Sue she looked even younger!) and made us both to feel so welcomed once again.

After Wollaton, I had my first parishes of Clarborough and Hayton, just outside Retford, and this coupled with being Assistant Chaplain at HMP Ranby.

Before I went to train for ordination, I had never set foot inside a prison, so when choices had to be made for my 6 week residential placement in London, it was the prison service I wanted to experience.

HMP Holloway is where I went, and I loved it! I learnt more there, I think, than anywhere.  Inmates didn’t have two heads, or weren’t any more violent than they are on the “out”. 

The greatest lesson I learnt there, and in my 5 years at Ranby, is never to judge a person by their outward appearance, or “pigeon hole” them or label them, by preconceived images.

Some friends from Clarborough Hayton are coming to the service today, and to the “do” afterwards. 

How interesting it is that my dear friend Mark, who was a teacher at Lake View in Rainworth when I went to be Vicar of Rainworth and Blidworth in 1998, and following our many discussions was ordained himself, is currently Vicar of Clarborough, along with many other parishes, and my association with Clarborough and especially its Vicarage, which is the best Vicarage we have lived in, continues to this day and into retirement.

I moved to Rainworth and Blidworth having been inspired in part by Tony Blair’s election victory in 1997.

As much as I loved it in the Retford area, I wanted another challenge, so I applied, was interviewed, and spent a happy 10 years there. 

Rainworth and Blidworth - two ex-mining Communities – communities which I love, because of their honesty and sense of reality, communities torn apart by the events of the 1980’s, communities which God will never abandon.

We had lived in a mining Community, Cotgrave while I was working in the Bank, and we lived there through the 1984 miners’ strike.

Rainworth and Blidworth were good times, with the usual amount of upsets and extra challenges, and sadnesses, but once again, after 10 years, I wanted another challenge.

I still have many friends in Rainworth and Blidworth, and whilst I won’t be getting involved in the churches there, I do hope to keep connected with my friends, and I am looking forward so much to moving back on 16^th October 2012.

So wanting one last challenge, I applied for Ollerton and Boughton which had been vacant for a while.

The Archdeacon tried to dissuade me, but I was convinced this is where I wanted God to send me, which I still think, so after a stiff interview, I was licenced on 21^st September 2008.

This move also meant that Sue could still continue with her work as Post Office Manager in Bilsthorpe – a job which she loves, and which money is going to be so needed in my retirement.

Ollerton is not a place at peace with itself, and there are many issues which have raised their heads whilst I have been here. 

It is a large ex-mining community, which was torn apart by the strike in 1984, as families were bitterly divided between NUM and UDM – and I have conducted many funerals while I have been here, when a brother, or brothers have not attended, because of the rift caused by one being in NUM and the other in UDM.

I have often been asked whether I regret coming here.      You bet I don’t! 

There are some wonderful people here, and we have done some good things, which can often get lost in our memories through difficulties and struggles, and some silly situations which can get blown up out of all proportion.

What I do regret is having to cut my proposed length of ministry here from 10 years, to 4 years, and my initial task remains uncompleted.

From 1 November I will have a permission to officiate licence from the Bishop and occasionally I will be leading worship in this deanery in parishes which don’t have a vicar.

I am also going to be offering more spiritual direction to people who seek it, and need it, and also I hope to be  helping out wherever I can as a priest.

So what has been right at the core of my faith which has brought me this far through life, both as a bank official and as a Church of England Minister?

Those words from Isaiah 43, which I will take as my text in 2 hours’ time for my last sermon here.

“I have called you by name, you are mine”

- words which are right at the core of my Faith.

Words that God whispers into my ear, and into your ears.

Words that God whispers into the ears of us all - English, German, American, Russian, Iranian, Afghan,  black or white, male or female, straight or gay, those who have plenty, those who have nothing, those are opposites or enemies, and those who live in harmony.

Two weeks ago in our Gospel reading we heard Jesus ask his disciples, “who do you say I am?”, or in other words what do you think of me? – and until we can get that question right, we shall just stagnate in our faith, and eventually see it die.

Today, as I move on, I want to turn that question around.

I want to say to myself – “Who does Jesus think I am, who does God think you are – what does Jesus really think of you, what does Jesus really think of me?

Now there’s a question!

Two weeks to go!

Two weeks to go to retirement, and to be honest, I don't know what to feel.  Still very much involved with the day to day running of the parish, and with all the major life threatening issues which demand so much of my time, like whether an organist who isn't playing at a wedding, gets paid or not, for not playing.  And where are the hymn numbers for this Sunday?


Big issues like how can we raise more money to keep going, or do we need three churches in our parish when we can't even fill one, let alone keep one going financially, fail to attract any attention for action.  I suppose arguing about who puts out the church's wheelie-bin is more important to people!


And this impacts for me on the sermon I have just prepared for tomorrow morning.  Text "Jesus says 'who do people say I am?'"  I am asking the good people of Ollerton and Boughton that question tomorrow - it will be interesting to hear their responses, because sometimes, with some people, I really do wonder!

Two weeks to go to retirement, and I ask myself whether I will miss it all ....you bet I will.  This is the best job in the  world, and I just love the variety of people and issues I get involved with - my big regret for me is that I have to retire 6 years earlier than I had planned (at the age of 61 and after only 4 years here) because of my cancer.  But to be fair to myself, and to my family and my friends, the fight with cancer has to take priority, and I am so greatful that the Bishop and the Church of England have agreed that I can take early retirement on a pension that I would have got at the age of 65.

I shall be moving back to Rainworth, although I won't be involved in that church where I was vicar before I moved here.  I am hoping to help out in other parishes as much as my health allows, but of course being on a pension, I can decide how much that is.  Email me if you want my new address and phone number - richardgoodhand@gmail.com.

Friends are very important to me.  I have spoken on my blog at length about how much I love my family, and all they mean to me, especially Sue and our 3 wonderful children. But my friends also mean so much, and have kept me going through even the darkest moments.

My Mondays with Mark and Kathryn, Neil, Martin, David, Tom, to name just 6 of my many dear friends.

And last night I went to Lincoln to have a curry with my two oldest friends (oldest in the sense of the number of years we have been friends - 53 years) John and Peter.  It was so good to be with them, and to look back on life, and look forward to things of the future - Peter (who is a few months younger than me, and who has already retired) has said he will come with me on a few Railway days out, which will be good - but as I drove home I thought I hope I don't become like some character off "Last of the Summer Wine!".

Our holiday in Cornwall and Anglesey went very well - we had a lovely time.  Sadness since, though, in that Daniel and Louise have split up.   All Sue and I can do is to be there for them.

Been in quite a bit of pain, particularly at night, but this has now subsided a bit.   Oramorph has helped.

9 days into new drug - Everolimus - oncologist this Wedensday, so we will see how things are then.

Plenty has happened since I last blogged.   Much of it I have reported as fact, rather than my thoughts behind it.  Much is about to happen. 

Next Friday, for example, I am being interviewed by BBC Radio Nottingham - hope I don't mnake a mess of it!

At the start of the year, if you had said to be I would be retired by October, I wouild have laughed at them, and said never!

But I have learned never to say "never". 

Quite looking forward to retirement now, as long as I have plenty to do, and am able to do it.

If I can help anyone, as a priest, as a friend, or as a family member, you only have to ask me - I will do whatever I can while there is still life in me to be lived.

Bewildered!!!

Much has happened since I last blogged, which has left me quite bewildered, so here goes.

But before I start, I  just want to say how much I have enjoyed the Olympics.  I was dreading the worst, which wasn't helped by the wrong flag being shown against the North Korean team right at the start, but all my fears were unfounded.  The opening ceremony was speciatular, and moving, and funny, and so so enjoyble.  It showed all that is good about being British; all our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, as well as our quirkiness - much of my spirituality as well as my humanness, is all about accepting who and what we are - warts and all, and I think the Opening Ceremony reflected this about our Britishness.

It has been great watching the games, although I didnt see as much as i  not as much as I had wished, but there have been some great moments, and some wonderful sport. The closing ceremony was also brilliant, and for me it was good to see the sports women and men mingling and partying with each other, irespective of what nationality.  We British folk should be proud of our athletes, the Games organisers and volunteers, and of what we have done as a nation.

My scheduled CT scan was due on the morning of 1st August 2012, and the process itself went very well.

On that afternoon I had the second funeral of the week, another burial, and once again I travellled to the cemetery in the hearse.  I have started doing this because I can't walk very far, and if I go in my own car I have to leave it some distance from the grave, whereas the hearse goes right next to it.  On this occasion I had the attendants laughing because I was telling them how much I like travelling in the hearse, and was going to enjoy every moment of it, whilst I could.  There would be the final trip, when I wouldn't know anything about it - but in any case I want a vintage bus to take me to my final resting place.   But the men did laugh - as much as they could whilst conducting a funeral.

All continued well infact until 5.15pm that day, when City Hospital Nottingham rang me to say I was to be admitted immediately.  Charlotte and Sue took me in, but not before Mark had taken me to Rainworth chippy because I fancied a king rib, and they are the only place in the whole area that do them.  At least the condemned man would have eaten a hearty meal!

I arrived at Nottingham City Hospital and went through the wrong door, and had to walk miles while Charlotte parked the car.  I walked past maternity and the chapel of rest - and I had to smile at passing the extremes of life.  Eventually I got to where I was to be, and they were shocked that I was walking - they confined me straight to bed, were I was to stay, not being allowed out even for the loo.

I was put straight onto steroids, which somewhat perked me up, and immediatley reduced the inflamation in the spine.

Apparently the CT scan had shown that the tumour on my spine (I knew that it had spread there) was pressing against my spinal chord, and they were concerned that I could become paralysed at any moment.  Now that was a frightening thought!  Surprisingly, I got to sleep quite early, only to be woken up at 1.50pm by the duty doctor who wanted to take blood for testing.  The doctor was a charming young man, and he told me that it was his first day.  I thought he meant his first day of a long stint, but no, it was his first day as a doctor. I  sat chatting with him for a long time, and he was so kind, even if he wasn't as gentle as Charlotte is at taking blood for testing

I went back to sleep until 5.45am when they woke me up again to test my sugar levels and bring me a cup of tea.  I still couldn't get out of bed, so an appropriate  bottle was brought for my comfort.  Later in the day, when I still wasn't allowed out of bed, something like a party hat was brought for further comfort, but that was a joke, and I decided to remain in mild discomfort for as long as I could.

The purpose of my hospitalisation soon became apparent - an MRI scan.  I was booked in at 12.30pm, and at the appropriate time, I was slid into another bed, which transported me to the MRI scanner.  Quite a long ride, which was fun - again past the chapel of rest, and I thought as long as I keep passing it, and know that I am passing it, I am ok.

Then the MRI scan - my first.  Well, the scanner was not built for larger gentlemen like me, but the assured me they had never got anybody stuck in it.  In I went - they said I might touch the sides, well I did - very much so - sardines in a tin comes to mind.  One question I forgot to ask before I went in - how was I getting out.  In I went, and they told me I would be moved to three positions, and I was.  I thought I would then be pulled through, but no, I came out the same way as I went in.   Now that worried me while I was in there (25 minutes) as I had visions of me being stuck.  But no, I came out very easily, like a pea out of a pod.  But I didn't like the intimacy with the  MRI scanner.  When I came out, they assured me they had got good pictures!

So it was back to the ward, again past the chapel of rest, and again I made the porters laugh!

Back in bed, moved to another bay as women were being admitted to the ward, and all is well, even if the discomfort inside was getting a little worse.  Still they wouldn't let me get up and walk to the loo!   6pm came, and the registrar who I knew from Oncology visits, came to see me.

"Could I go to the loo" I pleaded with her.  She said "I can say better than that - you can go home".

The MRI scan had shown that whilst the tumour was close to the main nerve, it hadn't caused damage, and I could go home and then come for radiotherapy the following week.  The actual CT scan, she said, showed little change from last time.

I felt over joyed, and showed it - the steroids were still wizzing round my body, although I did try to be sensitive  to those who were not going home.

Sue and Charlotte were on there way to visit me, and mobile's weren't answered - Sue never seems to hear hers!

I was so pleased to be going home - I even went to look for Sue and Charlotte.  Well, eventually they arrived.  I was eager to know what they had brought me as they didn't at that stage know I was coming home.  Fruit?  Sweets?  Flowers?  Biscuits?  Drink?  Something to read?  a gadget to play with?  I will leave you to guess!

Anyway Sue took over when I said I had been discharged, and she went into her usual trying to organise me mode - a mode which you know I don't do well.  And in the process of her efficiency of packing me, and getting me sorted, I have subsequently realised that my slippers got left on the ward.  So home I came, feeling quite tired and very bewildered.

Friday, I had planned beforehand to go and see my mother, but I didn't, and instead I wrote a sermon for the Sunday.

In the morning I was really on a high - although I stopped the steroids the night before, the effect was still in my body, and I simply couldn't stop talking.  Sue could have strangled me, so could two of our church wardens who I had long conservations with, so could our Parish architect.  By the evening time, I became calmer, and more tired.

By the Saturday evening I was very depressed!

On the Saturday, Charlotte took me to see Mum, and I was able to sleep while she drove.

The radiotherapy department at City Hospital had rung me to say that they had booked me in for radiotherapy on Monday afternoon, so my friends Mark and Kathryn took me as it was a Monday.  I was told it would be three hours.

Another CT scan to start with, markers put on my body,(a bit like tattoos of which I am very proud) another trip round City Hospital - this time on a golf buggy type of thing - and yes, we once again passed the chapel of rest, and after waiting a couple of hours in I went.  It only took about 15 minutes.  I could have gone once a day for 5 days to have a shot, but my Oncologist has pioneered a process whereby I get it all in one go.  Kidney cancer does not respond well to normal chemotherapy and radiotherapy - that is why I have had this drug treatment which has worked well.  And now the radiotherapy was to zap the tumour to stop the nerve becoming damaged, and then when I visit my oncologist at the end of the month, I will be put on a new drug - Everolimus.

My holiday to Cornwall which was due to start on the 11th August seemed under threat, but the registrar knew I was going, and said that as long as I take it easy, I could go, and I write this on a wet Monday evening in our Caravan on the Lizard Penisular.

People at City Hospital were wonderful - they were so kind and caring, and nothing was too much trouble.

As I lay on my bed, God didn't seem distant, but very close.  I was also given glimpses of what is to come - life beyond this world.  I have never experienced that before, and it was very positive and very good - even if it is still some way off for me.  This prompted me to write the words which I posted on Facebook "If you can see beyond this world, you can see forever".

I have thought long and hard about those words, and I feel that is where I am spirtiually at the moment.  Where those words came from, I don't know.  I have googled them, and taken advice, but they aren't a quote from anybody else, so I use them in my prayers.

As you will know, I retire on 1st October 2012 - still plenty to do, still plenty of life left in me.  But what these experiences have taught me, is just how right it is to take early retirement, as much as I love my job, allowing me to do what I can, when I can, but all the time concentrating on my continuing journey.

Cruising along

I am sorry that it has taken so long since I last blogged – you have to put that down to the cruise and also to not being quite as well as I have been.

I am now feeling a bit better although I have a CT scan on Wednesday, and I think it will show that the cancer is still progressing.  Quite a few aches and pains.

But whilst I wish, of course, that I didn't have cancer at all, I will accept the outcome ( I have no option) and I will accept it as positively as I can - there is another drug which the oncologist wants to put me on.

Have you caught the news that I'm coming back to Rainworth to live?

I am going to retire on 30 September 2012 and after a month being off I will once again have the Bishop's permission officiate and I will be available to help out wherever I can.  Anyone who reads this and wants to use me, just ask.

Had a great cruise - nothing really to report other than it was a fantastic holiday . Visited some wonderful places. Sue behaved impeccably - she had to as my sister and her husband were with us - well at least my brother in law is sensible, and Sue always behaves in his presence.

Had my second trip on a bus this last week, on my bus pass. I got a lift into Mansfield, and then got the bus home. Determined not to look like an old boy using his bus pass, I was dressed quite colourfully, and carefully didn't take any bags with me.

All went well for the first 10 minutes of the 45 minute journey, when I fell asleep, and only woke up just before my stop.

I greatly enjoyed the opening of the Olympics last Friday – I thought it was an excellent occasion, and had it just right as to what it means to be British.  My only mild disappointment, having marvelled at the hundreds of drummers giving a beat, and a dramatic effect to the entrance and procedures, was that towards the end we were told that the drums were plastic, and just for show.  How like so many things in life today, in certain quarters, all for show with no substance.

Just got back from Church where I have once again preached and led the service as Caroline is on her holidays.  Hadn’t got much of a sermon by last evening, and I was getting a bit panicky, but this morning I decided to put a few headings down on a piece of paper, and preach more freely.  It was great.  The story of the feeding of the 5000.

I majored very much on how we must offer ourselves, our gifts, and all we have got to God, and let him do the rest.  And that includes my cancer.

Having been quite upset at the death of Geoffrey Hughes (Eddie Yates and Onslow to name but 2) through his battle with cancer, I found what came to me quite uplifting for me,  let alone for everyone else who was in church.

I promise I will make every attempt from now on the post on here at least once a week.

Keeping on the Rails?

It is two and a half weeks since my last post -- and I have been very busy.  I ache a bit more, feel  I am not quite so mobile as I was, but I am in very  good spirits.   

Just in case you haven't picked it up -- it is my intention to retire from full time stipendiary ministry at the end of September, and thereafter to do what I can on a self supporting basis. The bishop has very kindly agreed to give me a Permission to Officiate license, which means I can carry on doing various work, but not in Ollerton or Boughton.  I have some plans, but until I get the pension in place, these just remain on hold.  It will just be good being able to do what I want, and indeed what other people want of me, without compulsion of knowing it has to be done -- and if I don't feel so well, then I can put my feet up and rest.

Sue and I will be living in Rainworth, in Mark's house, and we are looking forward very much to this new chapter in our lives. Sue will continue to work in the post office at Bilsthorpe.

 Quite a bit as happened since my last blog, and I have now taken to writing reminders as I go along, so you don't miss any exciting moment of my life!

So where was I?  Oh yes, in Salisbury, and that is where I shall pick up the story again.  I did have a great time in Salisbury, not just the niceness of being there, and with Martin, but also the spiritual refreshment.

On the evening following my last posting, I went to a Healing service in Salisbury Cathedral – Healing and Communion.  I suppose if I'm honest I have always been a little bit wary of Healing services because of the implications that if God can heal, what is he saying to those faithful people who don't get better or even worse.

But to this service I went, along with my slight cynicism, and not only did I feel a total spiritual refreshment, I did something that I have never done before -- I went forward to have hands laid on me, and then went forward to be anointed.   And I am very pleased I did.

I am even more convinced now that God doesn't choose to heal some people and not others, rather he uses us as we are to reach out to other people, through us and our situations. In other words God doesn't will us to be ill/sick or whatever, but he make sure he is with us in our struggle and suffering, and can speak to us and to others through it.

Still thinking about Salisbury Cathedral, I was fascinated by the collection of people who came to the different services we attended each day. Again those of you who know me well know that I am a bit of a "people watcher" and there was one lady who came on the first two mornings  to morning prayers/Communion who had got a lovely voice, but wore trousers which I didn't feel suited her very well or brought out her full feminine charm.  

I was horrified on the third morning when she arrived at the early morning service in her working clothes -- this lady was the Dean of Salisbury Cathedral, and one of the most senior woman priests in the Church of England.  I have had a great laugh since thinking about my looking at the back of this woman, and particularly her trousers, without knowing who she was. I hope that if she ever reads this she also will see the funny side, meant only against me, as I mean no disrespect or hurt.

That same early morning service was led by the Bishop of Salisbury. He also had a wonderful voice, and I had met him 25 years before when I went to visit Lincoln Theological College as a potential student, where he was a tutor.

Also at that service were loads of archdeacons -- there was an archdeacons conference going on in Sarum College at the time we were staying there. 

After the service we went back to the college for breakfast and were joined by the archdeacons and by the Bishop of Salisbury.  I was pleasantly surprised when the bishop came and sat with Martin and I for breakfast and started talking to us.  I told him we had met before, and he confirmed that he was on the staff at Lincoln Theological College 25 years ago, but before I could get much more out he asked me was an archdeacon. 

Now for those of you who don't know what an archdeacon is, he or she is a senior priest, who has a role in supporting/administering several priests and parishes in their care, but also being an implementer for the Bishop.  Now fancy me being mistaken for an archdeacon!  But when I told him I wasn't an archdeacon, he got up and went, saying a very politely he was only talking with archdeacons!

So that was really it for Salisbury until next time.

Speaking with my priest friend Kathryn about my blogging when I got back, she did say to me how freer they had become since my sabbatical had ended. I did quiz her further, hoping she wasn't saying that the posts during my sabbatical were poor, and now a little better, to which she got annoyed with me.  But I do know from quite a few people have said to me I have been more honest and open and real since my sabbatical finished.

Last week I had a great day out with my eldest son Daniel, grandson Harrison, and grandson Callum when we went to RailFest 2012 in York. I had invited all the family to come with me, but none of the females wanted to. Their loss, I say, as it was a most wonderful day.

We saw many steam engines, along with modern locomotives and trains. We rode on several trains, and I even met some people who remembered my  relative George Davies who had been involved with the Bahamas club at Dinting in the 1960s, and then went to work for the painter David Shepherd running the East Somerset Railway for him, and who then died in the mid-1970s.

I was greatly encouraged to go to RailFest by the husband of one of my nieces, who said what a wonderful day they had had when they went. He did add a further comment that there were some very strange people there! I thought to myself surely not, but there were -- only to realise that indeed with my cameras round my neck and my added energy (as much as my leg would allow) I was one of those strange people as well.

Last Friday I had two trips to Kings Mill hospital -- one for the feet and then four hours later, a breathing test. I had to have a reading of my lung function so that if and when I start this new drug, they can monitor progress particularly as one of the side-effects involves the lung function.

The seven days since my hospital trip has seen me quite busy on parochial matters. A youth group to run, where young people seemed to run riot this week, residential homes to visit, and even one of those saw the elderly residents in a very stroppy mood.   Then there was Deanery Synod, which on this occasion was led by our Bishop, and to add to all the other routine jobs, I have had several funerals, as indeed I have this coming week. I also had an excellent morning in the Dukeries college, and I absolutely love engaging with the students -- this time they were trying to get to grips with what Christians think about abortion.

Last Monday had a great day off -- went to Harrogate. I love it, but I always have a laugh to myself because when my parents used ago when I was a teenager, and they always seemed to be there, I used to dismiss it as a place only where old people go. Now I have fallen in love with it -- and especially Betty's tearoom which I always head for.

In Betty's tearoom this time, Mark Kathryn and I got into a long and deep discussion, whilst eating and drinking our Earl Grey tea and cream scones, about becoming who we truly are. About how we go through life hiding much of our true self, and yet in that true self the image of God is waiting to be displayed to the world in a slightly different way than as at the present. We tried to link this with our understanding of Trinity, unsuccessfully, but went on to find ways as to how we can unlock the potential skills and gifts which are hidden in this unseen side of us.

There were two very nice ladies sitting at the next table to us, trying desperately to let us think that they weren't listening to us, but being very unsuccessful in an attempt. I really hope they did understand what we were saying!

Two other brief things from last Monday -- I enjoyed sitting watching the birds feed in the garden -- oh dear I hear myself say, but I really did.   Also Mark kept singing to me "one day at a time sweet Jesus".

For those of you who know me well, you will know I am not very patient and am always looking forward and planning for the future. It may be that a future which consists of a new and exciting ministry, but based on one day at a time ministry, that I have to learn the words to that song from myself, and apply them to myself.

One last thought for this time -- I had a very interesting discussion on the Tuesday with my curate Caroline, and we had a very long discussion about faith. We were talking about certainty of faith and doubts of faith, and how the two are/can be related. We came to the conclusion that faith which is never challenged, questioned, doubted, or simply stagnates, is no real faith at all.

My experience is the more challenges and questions you ask about it, the stronger and more real it becomes.  But then God is an amazing God.

Thank God!

(I am sorry that this posting is a very long posting, and I'll do my very best next time to post at least once a week)

Full Circle??

25 years ago this year, I first set my sight on Salisbury Cathedral, and fell in love with it. I had just attended my second ACCM selection conference (the final conference which recommends you or otherwise, for being suitable for training for ordained ministry) - my first ACCM conference 9 years before saw me being an "otherwise".

After a difficult visit to Lincoln Theological College, where I was offered a place, but didn't warm to it as I had done 9 years before, I was steered in the direction of Salisbury and Wells Theological college, as it was then called, but is no more!

I loved the place, as did Sue. Neither of us had been there before, and some months later the whole family moved to the Cathedral City where we lived for 2 years. 2 of the happiest years of my life.

Values changed - my world of banking - loans, personal loans, investements, big business, individual customers, materialism, greed, profits, changed into a life concerned with God, justice, mercy, affirming people, looking at exciting and new challenges, finding new ways of expressing your faith - especially through worship, along with learning how to use my banking and other skills in a different way.

Ok so those who know me well will know that I have not lost all my former attributes - especially as far as gadgets are concerned, but it has to be said that 2 years in Salisbury opened my life up, and I would say that of Sue, in a way we could never have dreamt of.

Salisbury, for me at 37, a real beginning after almost 20 years working with National Westminster Bank. 20 years I enjoyed, and had I not worked in certain branches, I wouldn't have met Sue let alone marry her, and then our children wouldn't be, neither our grandchildren - all of whom I think the world of.

So much for that for the moment.

I realise that it is two weeks since my last blog. A fair bit has happened, but the main feature has been the continung issues regarding my cancer. I just wish I didn't think about it quite so much, and the more I seem to think about it, the more I seem to feel the aches. I am not sure at this stage which way round it is - am I thinking about it because of the aches, or am I aching because I keep thinking about it?

But it is a main feature of our lives at the moment, but as I have said before, I am determined it is not going to get me down, and that I am going to continue to live life to the fullest I can.

We can't go on the cruise I wanted to go on, because of my next visit to the oncologist - it is a good job I didn't book it, but I am trying to book one a week later.

A week last Saturday Sue and I and Charlotte and Daniel went to my Niece Victoria's wedding to Duncan. It was a lovely day, and so enjoyable. It all took place in a lovely part of Britain near Carnforth. I drove there, and Charlotte drove back. These family get togethers mean so much to me, and are so much fun. Looking forward to my last Niece getting married, Helen, and I promised my son Daniel that I wouldn't mention anything about him, so I won't, although I really do live in hope!! Louise is so lovely, and 3 lovely children!

Had a great day in Dukeries college, last week, sitting in on their RE classes. I even, this time, took centre stage up front, rather than contibuting from th back. Young people are so vibrant and full of life, and really not at all like they are often portrayed. In the evening I went with the head of RE and one of the teachers out for a curry. It was a great time.

One of the downside features of my treatment that has happened in the last 2 weeks, is that I have been a bit off with some people who I don't mean to be horrible with. Let me say now to you, and to those of you (yes there were more than 1) I am very, very sorry, and I do hope you will forgive me, and understand. I don't mean it at all, and I hope you realise that it isn't really what I am like. I have even fallen out with my Bank, but then they are rubbish, and I am going to arrange to transfer my accounts back to NatWest who I left 22 years ago when I came to college.

And that takes me back to where I started, at least as my banking is concerned.

But it is not just in Banking, I write these words from my room in Sarum College, which used to be Salisbury and Wells Theological college. I am on a 3 day retreat, basing my time around mattins/eucharist in the morning, and choral evensong in the evening in Salisbury Cathedral. I loved it 24 years ago, and I love it now. It is like a spiritual pillow on which I can lay my head. The routine and the proceddures haven't changed, and it really is an out of this world experience. The only main difference is that the Precentor is only 31, and would have been 7 when I was at college. Makes me feel very old.

But as much as I love the worship here in the Cathedral, how different it is to worship in ex-mining communities - especially New Ollerton. It also shows me just how much I have changed as a priest over the years.

My time on retreat is going very well indeed. I have come here with my dear friend Martin, who, like Sue, always keeps my feet firmly on the ground. Martin and I met when we were in the same Tutor Group at Salisbury and Wells Theological College. We have remained great freinds ever since - I am Godfather to 2 of his children, and he and I meet up every 6/8 weeks to discus our work and support each other.

So here I am really where it all started, at least as far a my ordained minstry is concerned. And how appropraite it is.

Salisbury once again takes a pivital role in my life.

It is once again a beginning. A beginning for a new and even more exciting period of my minstry, and of my walk with Christ.

I announced last Sunday in Church that is is my intention to retire from stipeniary ministry at the end of September, and as Vicar of Ollerton and Boughton - hopefully to do as much as I can thereafter.

I have thought about this for a couple of years, but dreaded the thought. In reality, being in work has brought me back from a brink, but as I feel now, I don't feel that every day I can give 100%, as much as I want to, and the position of Vicar of Ollerton and Boughton demands at least that, as any job should. I would never thnk of giving anything less, but I now realise that I need to focus a bit more of my health, while still carrying on in minstry, in a different, less stressful way.

So beware!

Especially as I now have a bus pass. Yes, I was told at the hospital that I could apply for one, having had my application turned down when I was 60. Apparantly the rules changed again in January this year, and not only was I entitled to one, I now have one. It came last week, and on Saturday I went into Mansfield on the bus, with my stick, and a brief case (for my shopping, but I didn't want to look like an old man going shopping - only to deposit all the contents of my brief case all over the floor of the bus, when I sat down. People were very kind and came to the rescue of this old man!) Met Sue in Town, and all she could do was laugh!

I like that.

I can take whatever pills I have to, but as long as I can still laugh, and Sue does make me laugh (meant in the right way)! I always get people laughing at weddings and baptisms, because so many people come to church looking so solumn - God enjoys laughing, and so do I.

Blessings and laughter until next time!

Reality Checking

Today is our wedding anniversary -- 37 years ago today Sue and I were married.

As those of you who know us know, Sue and I are totally different in personality, in what would like to do, and in so many other ways. But I have always been the advocate of opposites attracting, and in the case of Sue and I this is most definitely a fact.

Sue swept me off my feet almost 41 years ago when I first met over the post office counter in Barton on Humber, and since that time she has endeavoured to keep my feet firmly on the ground. This has been needed, as there are times when I do need a reality check. We married in the rain in a small village church at Bonby, near Brigg in Lincolnshire, and we have recently been back to visit with some of our grandchildren. They were very fascinated. I have to say they have been 37 wonderful years, and I wouldn't have changed anything.  Much has happened in that time, people have departed and new people have taken place, but of course that is the order of things.

Yesterday I went to visit the Oncologist, and Charlotte came with me. Not a good day. Apparently the cancer has spread to an upper thoracic vertebrae and several ribs. This news came as a bit of a blow, particularly as I am feeling so well. The Oncologist was uncertain as to whether to change my medication -- at present I am on Sutent, which has an average effectiveness of 11 months, and I have been on it 27 months, so it was inevitable that this time would come. Apparently the cancer cells learn ways of getting round the medication, finding new ways to multiply. This is what seems to be happening in my case. The new medication is a drug called Everolimus. He put this scenario to me as to whether to change the drug now, leave it to more cycles continuing with Sutent, and then have a further CT scan to see how things are. After much discussion, thought and reflection I have decided to stay with Sutent for now.  This does mean however that the Cruise which Sue and I had hoped to go on at the end of June is looking unlikely. Certainly the day and cruise to the Arctic circle we had planned won't happen, because I have a further meeting with the oncologist in that first week, but it may be we can go a few days later to another desitination.

So how do I feel about the cancer?.

I have to say when the news was given me it was quite a body blow, but not quite the body blow like when I was first told. The problem with many people (myself included) is that they think they will live forever, and that bad things will not happen to them, and if you pray hard enough things will get better. The reality in each of these is that this doesn't happen. We don't live forever, everybody is open to good and bad things happening to them, and prayer is answered in ways we don't always understand.  

As a priest and as a Christian I just don't understand, but at the heart of our faith there has to be in something we can’t see, we can’t understand, and we can’t prove – otherwise faith would not be faith but certainty, and there are no certainties in this life, other than it will, for us, one day come to an end!   I have seen many many instances where far better people than I have died of cancer, been killed in a car crash or other accident, had a heart attack at a young age, or whatever, and simply to offer quick slick answers I feel is utter nonsense.  We have to be honest in our belief.

But the trap I had fallen into was to fall back into the thinking that after almost 2 ½ years on Sutent "everything is all right", and as long as I take the medication, all would be well.  Reality should always kick in and remind me that 2 or 3 years ago I was very poorly indeed and not expected to perhaps be alive now.  But that same reality tells me I am here now, and I have, to use the Oncologist’s words yesterday, responded excellently to treatment, and hopefully I will continue to respond to this and to my new medication.

Last Saturday I had a wonderful time leading St Mary Magdalene Hucknall’s staff team in an away day. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I wish this more people would use me in this way. Perhaps in the future this may be the case.  I got the team trying to discover things about each other which they didn’t know, and also trying to get each one of them to understand that it is ok to be vulnerable, and at times, to let that vulnerability be on display.  This is a topic which is very dear to me.

Two weeks ago I went to see my Spiritual Director.  As always, I had a great time with her.  She is so wise, so prayerful, and so appraocjable.  She majored on this aspect of vulnerability, and linked it into my Sabbatical findings.  She was saying that it is ok to be vulnerable, and to display it, and to let us witness to today’s world through it.

Last week has also led me to meet our new Archdeacon (of Newark), David Picken, not once, not twice, but three times.  He seems a great guy, and his sermon on Sunday was very inspiring.  I felt very relaxed with him at last Sunday’s worship – not something I always feel when Archdeacons or Bishops come to visit us.  And that is my failing, not theirs! Archdeacon David has also been very supportive to me in these uncertain days health wise, and without giving too much away at this stage, helping me to sort out my future.

Last week I also had half a day in Dukeries College, a secondary school where I am a governor, and where I try and spend at least a day a month in its RE department.  They have fantastic teachers, and I love getting involved in their lessons. I'm going in all day next Tuesday and then going for a curry with two of the teachers in the evening -- they are helping me with my PowerPoint presentation of my Sabbatical.

I am now really looking forward to my niece’s wedding on Saturday and as I have already said on Facebook, particularly if you are reading this and will be at the wedding, I don't want anybody to look strangely at me, speak in a patronising voice, or think that it will be the last time you will see me. I am no different to last time you saw me. I intend to enjoy myself, with my family and friends, and to go on enjoying myself for as long as I possibly can.  Again as I said on Facebook, there is still life in me to be lived, and I am most definitely going to live it.

Lazy Richard??

I am a failure -- it is over two weeks since I last posted on my blog, and I am very sorry.   You can tell I am back in the full swing of being a vicar, inundated at the moment with  funerals, along with weddings.   All this is in addition to many meetings, but it is good to be back even if I don't get time to do things I did on my sabbatical.

I have been able to do some reading around my time of study, but not as much as I would have liked.  We have had our Annual Parochial Church Meeting, which last year was very challenging, and this year was like it usually is. Having said that three churchwardens have not stood for re-election, and only one has replaced them.

There is not much else to report, other than to say I continue to reflect on my time away.  I am seeing my Spiritual Director this Thursday in London, and no doubt that will help move things on, and sort things out in my mind.

Later this month I am going on retreat, and it is during that time that real decisions will be made.  My retreat is at Sarum College where I trained for ordination, and I'm looking forward to that very much.  I hope to get time on Salisbury Station!

Next week I also have a meeting with our new Archdeacon, and again I am looking forward to meeting him.  He is also coming to St Paulinus to preach a week on Sunday, and afterwards for lunch.

One silly thing I have done is to delete all my diary from my Google calendar.  As I had no backup, this means I have had to reconstruct my diary from memory. 

So if you had planned some extravagant evening for me, and I had accepted your invitation and failed to turn up, then I am very sorry. If you read this and think to yourself I hope Richard still house a certain date in his diary, it is worth just checking with me to make sure I have.

Healthwise it has been one of the best periods on medication that I have had.  Tomorrow is the last day in the present four-week spell of taking the drug Sutent, and this is followed by two weeks off.  Other than my hip which is hurting quite considerably (not surprising considering the cold damp weather) I have felt quite well -- even my feet which usually calls make great problems, have not been too bad.

Tomorrow, that is Wednesday, 2 May, I have another CT scan, and whilst I feel everything is ok, until the medical people look at the results, I won't know what is going on inside me. My next appointment with the oncologist is in two week’s time, and then I shall know for certain.

On Friday this week Charlotte is 30!  It really doesn't seem 30 years since I was standing by Sue in Grimsby Maternity Hospital being the official timekeeper and uttering those words 12.28(pm).  So this Friday Sue, Charlotte and I are going out to lunch, in slightly different circumstances.  We are having a family get-together on Monday.

I will endeavour to do at least two blogs a week to keep my many fans are advised. Please feel free to let me know if you feel I have let you down but not blogging!

Pulling legs or grains of truth!

It is Saturday morning!

A good busy week - Thursday a particularly good day - plenty to do, and plenty that went well.  The evening saw a meeting of the Trust which I chair, and which has caused me so many problems while I have been in Ollerton -  this meeting was very very positive.  I hope we can keep this going.  Before that meeting was a highlight - leading Communion in one of our Older People's Residential Homes.  I hadn't been there for over 3 months, and they were so pleased to see me.  Communion was so meaningful, and as I went round the room sharing the bread and wine, and thinking about all I had excperienced since I was last there, I thought how fortunate I was to be a priest.

Yesterday, other than two morning meetings, was a sorting out day.  Progress on tidying my study has been slow, and with the help of Tom, this progressed a little.  Had to get the place looking tidy - Martin and Stef are with us for the weekend, and their Vicarage is always so tidy and orderley.  Martin and Stef, our close freinds from Theological College days, arrived at teatime, and we had a great evening where Mark joined us.

We talked about most subjects, and had a wonderful couple of hours experimenting with music for worship on our iPads. 

Also comment was made about my blog!  I was really on a hiding to nothing, with Sue, Mark, Martin and Stef (who is usually on my side) commenting that what I write  is not the Richard they necessarily see.  I know they were pulling my leg, but I have tried to be as honest as I can in what I write.  So I may put a bit of spin on how things happen, or rather when they happen, but I have not written anything down that hasn't been true.  So it may be a tadge parsonic - is that really surprising seeing what my job is?  

The fact is that I am very concerned that what people read here, is the real Richard, and not Richard just rambling on.  Perhaps I have over-reacted - I usually do.  I love banter, I love having fun, at my expeonse, but I could never bear the thought of being les than authentic - in who I am, in what I say, in what I do, or in what I write.   Pull my leg all you like, I love it, really I do, but see the grain of truth running through it all, just as I see the grain of truth in what people say to me.

Today we are going for a trip and lunch on the Great Central Railway - promises to be a great day.  Still have a sermon to finish though for tomorrow.

Easter Wednesday

On checking when I last blogged, I see it was Friday!  Good Friday!  You can tell I am back at work - hehehehe!   Well I am enjoying it very much. Good to be in a routine, even if I have yet to get back up to full speed (for me). 

Saturday was a day of getting ready, and then in the evening, the Easter Vigil.  45 minutes outside St Paulinus Church, reading chunks of the Old Testament, and then when it was dark, in we went to a relaively warm church, bringing in the first light of Easter - the Light of Christ!  It was very moving, even if I did get a little cross with one of our churchwardens who had upset Caroline!

Easter Day - a great day. And what a great quote I heard on the radio while I was having a bath:
"The resurrected Jesus changes walls into windows"!!!

Good morning service which I put together, led and preached at!  Jim's tie will never be the same again, Caroline's hair looked decidedly purple, and I promise I will not wear those socks again.  Tried to have a rolling theme through the service about why we believe in the resurrection - because people met the risen Christ and told us about it!  My sermon was all about rolling away the stones which block our relationship with Jesus in our lives - idenifying what those stones are, and doing something about it!  I thought I lost my way a bit in the sermon, but many were touched by it!

Then something I haven't done for years on a Sunday - went to the pub for a pint!  With son Daniel, and three grandchildren.  It was wonderful!  Went to a pub by the East Coast Mainline - my Grandson shares my love of railways (he is only 3)

A lovely day was finished with another Communion, which I led, and Caroline preached at.  Went home a happy and enlightened man.

Monday saw the Goodhand family congregate quite early - well the three grandchildren did stay the night with us!  And off we went to The Deep in Hull.  It was packed, packed, packed!  I did very well indeed - you know I don't like queues and crowds, but I took it all in my stride, even managed to amuse our grandchildren, and be nice to everyone.  We all enjoyed it, but I am glad I booked in advance on-line, as the queues were horrendous.  Day finished off with a Chinese takeaway, which saw my only wobbly of the day - having paid for it all, and letting everyone get what they wanted first (like a good grandfather and christian) when I came to get something, there was little left.  But my wobbly didn't last for long - possibly due to the fact that I had got a bit tired, and needed something to eat.

Tuesday again saw Daniel and family come round, to help sort my study.  We also took the dogs for a walk in the morning.  It was also Duncan's 33rd birthday, and he, Fay, Freya and Harrison came round in the afternoon.  It was lovely for us all to be together - even if it was a bit noisey.  Work on tidying the study up was very slow - everyone wanted to see what things were, and why they were there.   More bits went back to Oxford Street (where Daniel lives) than were thrown away, which was the original idea.  Sorry, Louise!  A nice quiet evening, and I fell asleep.  Then right into the early hourse I prepared for the next day - Holy Communion and a service in De Lacey Court (an old people's complex).  Shared some pictures from my Sabbatical.

And so today is Wednesday.  Been quite busy all day, and that has been good.  Busy now trying to pursuade/sorry encourage two people to stand as Churchwarden at St Paulinus.  One of them is being bribed with a curry tonight!
Well that's it for now.
By the way, thank you everyone who has emailed me, telephoned me, or told me face to face the ramblings will  continue.

A good Good Friday

It is late evening on Good Friday, and I have just got back from a curry at the Vhojon in Mansfield -- this is a Good Friday tradition which I have done for many years -- I go  dog-coloured, and I make a point of eating fish.  I always end up having a chat with my friends at the Vhojon, both those who come with me and those who work there, about the Christian faith, and why Good Friday is so important to me.  This year my curate Caroline and her husband came with Mark and me. 

Earlier in the evening,  I led a Tenebrae service in St Giles Ollerton, which was very moving.  This morning we had our Churches’ Together services and walk of witness, which I managed -- just!  It started off low key for me, but by the time I'd managed to walk and led the prayers on Co-op corner, I was feeling much more like it, and by the time I was drinking coffee and eating hot cross buns in St Paulinus church, I was totally caught up in proceedings just like I used to be.  Yes it has been a good day,

I am often amazed, and this year is no exception, as to why so many of the church family don't come to anything during Holy Week. And it's not just an Ollerton and Boughton thing, it is every parish I have served in.  We like to take the joy and celebration of Easter Day, seemingly without the struggles and reflections of Holy Week.  If the Holy Week , Good Friday and the resurrection experience are to match human life – most definitely our own lives, then we have to have to take the package as a whole.

I love the hymns of the season, and this year one that I sung hundreds of times through the years, which has really hit home -  "when I survey the wondrous Cross" especially those two lines "Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all".   Where I am at the moment, having just come back from Sabbatical, those words mean a great deal to me.  In the three places that I have visited, in my reflections upon the situation I find myself in, and as I look back at my journey in faith, it is those words "demands my soul my life my all" that really touch my heart as I try to respond to God's love, so amazing so divine!  I realise that this response is still needed from me, particularly as I been able to take a step back to see where I'm going.

I am one of those people who had been a Christian for as long as I can remember. Whilst being brought up in a Christian based family, and other than a few Sundays when I was around five when I went to the Methodist Church with my father, I have never been made to go to church. It was only when I joined the Cubs and had to go on church parade, that I began to realise this wonderful God wanted to take me on a journey. And what a journey!

But it is not a half-hearted journey, and those who know me well know that I do get terribly committed to do things -- Sue sometimes says that I can become obsessive.  Even in my teenage years my parents, and especially a great auntie, warned me of being over religious.  Years and years down my ministry, you can never accuse me of that.

Yesterday, Maundy Thursday, was the moving ceremony of foot washing and holy Communion.  This certainly lived up to its reputation for me, and this time even more so.  Caroline led the service, and my prayers couldn't stop me thinking about Auschwitz and some of what I saw and heard there. As Christians we should be ashamed, but worse than that, today similar prejudices and persecutions still happen all around us.

I am very much reminded of that very famous quote by Pastor Niemoller:

First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

I realise I must speak out much more – “Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all”.  My response to my recent sabbatical through the eyes of Holy Week and Good Friday.

Each night through holy week we have been sharing a DVD on the BBC production of The Passion, from the year 2008.  I had not seen it before, but it is excellent and I do recommend it to you if you have not seen it.

On Wednesday I had a very good session with the oncologist, and this cheered me up immensely.   I had been feeling a little low, both physically and emotionally, with aches and pains and a uti, but what they said to me was quite encouraging. I have to have a CT scan before the next meeting with them in six weeks’ time, and whilst I'm still not certain things aren't happening inside me, I will at least then know for sure one way or another.  At the end of June Sue and I are planning on going on a cruise again..  I have been able to save up my NatWest pension, so for the second time hopefully there will be a cruise on good old NatWest. But I have to wait for a final clearance from the oncologist.

Tomorrow I have to tidy up my study, and ensure the grass is cut. The excuse that the lawnmower is a way for a service, no longer stands as it is now ready for collection.  I also have to prepare a sermon and a service for Easter Day.  Busy busy!

Lunch with Jesus!

I had lunch with Jesus today!
Yes, really, and we had chicken along with all the trimmings.  What a start to Holy Week.
Well, actually, that is not quite right.  We were having lunch, and my 3 year old grandson noticed a picture I have on the wall of the "Last Supper" by Salvador Dali, and he went up to it, looked at it, and said "Mummy".  And do you know, with squinted eyes, it does look at bit like her.  But it brought a laugh, followed by much discussion about Jesus, and a happy 3 year old who thinks his Mother is the Messiah!
Oh well.

First Sunday back.

Had a great morning at church.  Parish Communion followed by Holy Baptism.  People were quite genuinely pleased to see me back!  I ached alot, but I felt on good form, which got better as the proceedings progresses, and my pain got worse. 

Preached about the temptation of jumping styraight from the celebrations of Palm Sunday to the joy and festivities of Easter Day, without paying any attention to what lies in between - Holy Week, Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, with all the suffering, struggles and tragedy that it contains.   Holy Week contains the reality of human existance, and faithwise we ignore it at our peril.   Used parts of my Sabbitcal as good illustrations of getting that message accross.   It all worked very well, but I was just a little worries whether it was a bit heavy, but folks said not, and had gained much from what I had said.

Some good hymns, which I hadn't picked, and one of them really spoke to me in a different way than it had done in the 100s of times I had sung it before -

We may not know, we cannot tell,
What pains He had to bear;
But we believe it was for us
He hung and suffered there.

It is through our pain and suffering that we are strengthened in our faith, and as we are strengthend, we get close to God.  It was only singing this hymn this morning that I saw the connection with the suffering of Jesus.  It was also very good to have the grandson of one of my Bishop heros in the congregation - I am conducting his marriage in 3 weeks time, and they were there to hear the final reading of the banns.

Went on to do a lovely baptism (lovely because of the people who were there, not because of anything I had done special), and I am always touched by those words which I always use -

XXXXX, today God has touched you with his love, and given you a place among his people.   God promises to be with you in joy and in sorrow, to be your guide in life, and to bring you safely to heaven.

How we soon forget this when the pressures of life crowd in on us, or rather should I say how easy I forget it.  I have put these to quotes on my blog mainly to remind me!

Come home, tired but happy, and 3 of my grandchildren have arrived.  Terrible excited as Sue has caught to mice.

Off to join in.

See you soon.